Angry Beaver.

It's only after I've been pushed to my limit that I write in this thing. It looks like today is the day.


Politics and religion and civil rights, oh my! This is not the dinner table and I'm not feeling apologetic, so let's do this.


We are close to two weeks in on this Chick-Fil-A scandal and I feel like all I see around me are people telling the public to "just shut up about it already." Without using those exact words (sometimes)... but holy shit! Where are we at as a community/minority if we are telling our own people to be quiet about something that has had a gargantuan impact on our country in both small and large ways? We're doing exactly what the bigots, homophobes and religious radicals want us to! Just accept it and move on. I read this Facebook status from a respectable lesbian acquaintance of mine not too long ago and nearly wet myself:


"I am neither ashamed nor embarrassed to admit I am proudly in love with an amazing woman, but is it crazy for me to say that I think this madness surrounding Chick-Fil-A is too much?! He's a rich conservative business owner who closes his multi billion dollar enterprise every Sunday and he openly expresses his distaste for gay marriage. Shocker. There's a strategic way to get equal rights, no need to go overboard with the hatred and the protesting because everyone is always going to have an issue with the choices you make, so let's not make it easier for people to hate us."


...


::sound of tires screeching::


Let's hold the fucking phone for a second. "Rich conservative business owner"... no problem. "who closes his multibillion dollar enterprise every Sunday" - cool! Expression of religious freedom at it's finest. To each his/her own. "...and he openly expresses his distaste for gay marriage. Shocker." Now this is where my temperature starts rising. I respect a difference of opinion in this matter, darlin', but at least get your GD facts straight before you put your thoughts out there for the world to see. You've got 57 likes by people who know as little as you do about the subject and probably applaud the 1 or 2 gays who are "cool" with the situation at hand to feed their bigoted ego. "Finally! A gay who GETS IT." I guess I sort of expected more out of you. 


Naw, girl. Naw. 


FIRST of all, this man is not simply expressing his distaste for gay marriage. He has slandered the gay community, contributed millions of dollars (spent by homos and heteros alike) to anti-gay organizations (some that involve help groups that attempt to "pray the gay away"). He has been quoted, saying that homosexuality is, "some twisted up kind of stuff" and that it "invites God's judgement on this nation." What more do you need from this man to make you see that it is people like him that are preventing the gay community from obtaining the rights we deserve. The same rights as every other American person. 


And his trusty supporters stand behind him, defending him to the death saying, "but... freedom of speech! Freedom of religion!" What about MY fucking freedom? Where's MY freedom, you ignorant fuck! My head might explode.


I can't wrap my head around it. The comments made... the "defense"... but most importantly, the amount of support that has been shown in favor of this outrage and the amount of people unwilling to stand up in defense of their own rights! The support being shown by God-fearing bigots, by casual religious parties, by straights and gays alike who just don't know any better. What has happened to the American people? This is so disappointing coming from someone who thought she saw a light at the end of the tunnel only to find out that bigotry is not simply few and far between... it's ugly and it's everywhere and it's based on a strong foundation of ignorance. 


It is my opinion that Jesus would be ashamed of his followers. And the religious people that actually understand and believe in the concept of love are praying for the redemption of their own people. What the fuck is happening, America? You are pushing religion further and further away from it's core values and steam rolling it over the people you're attempting to save. Wake up call, man! That's not the right way to do it! When will you understand? You're turning Christianity into an exclusive club of people that the "rest" of society is starting to enjoy hating. Myself included... and I know a lot of very outstanding REAL Christian people. Christian people who find solace in the concept of loving one another equally and without fail. At least I think these are real Christians. I'd hope so. And I'd hope that they're standing up for me and the rights I one day hope to have in this country just like I'm standing up for them in this blog. One can hope. 


Until then? Dan Cathy, you devastate the gay community. You hurt us. We weep... and we weep for you and your millions of supporters eating their greasy chicken sandwiches if only to prove a point:  God hates gays and we will not be accepted in this country or by your God or looked upon properly as an American with equal rights. We are frowned upon. We are deemed unequal. And society has just taken 3 giant steps backwards. 


I will not write on your chicken joint's wall. I will not argue with your loyal customers. I will not complain about a "Chick-Fil-A day" being created out of thin air in support of national bigotry which, in turn created a 30 million dollar work day for your valiant leader, Dan Cathy. I will not Facebook message my gay acquaintances and explain to them that bold statements without thorough research should be considered a risk. At the end of the day, I'm just another lesbian bitching about the unfairness of it all... and maybe that doesn't change much, but I sure as shit feel a little better knowing I've spoken up about it.

Giving up the dream.

My birthday gathering with "friends" this year was a bit disappointing. Guess it was my turn to have one of those, considering my previous birthday shindigs have all been pretty epically outstanding. Perhaps it's a sign that I should grow up and stop having birthday parties. Or that my friend list should change. Or that I'm being a huge whiny baby. In any case, here are a few things I was not disappointed by:

A.) Going ice skating before dinner. That shit is fun. For real.

B.) Inviting my oldest friends from high/middle/elementary school. I always invite them and I'm never sorry.

C.) Smoking two cigarettes during the course of the evening. I quit smoking over the summer and haven't really looked back... but I definitely enjoyed those smokey treats.

D.) Standing up to the jerks who were hogging the shuffleboard table all night and would have continued to, had I not got in their face about it.

E.) Playing a round of shuffleboard and enjoying several tasty beers. Duh.

F.) Wearing a tie. Also duh.

It's pretty apparent to me after last night that half of what "being a friend" means is the actual showing up part. Not that a lot of the people who didn't show mattered. But some of them did, and it hurt my feelings. Enough so that instead of sleeping in this morning after going to bed at 1:30 a.m., I'm downstairs writing this entry because I'm still fuming about it.

I've come to the conclusion that it simply isn't possible for me to find a group of people trustworthy enough to be friends with. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I'm let down too easily. Maybe I'm just reading too far in. Either way, there isn't a single solitary person on this earth right now that I would call for anything. And the night didn't start out that way. But leaving the establishment, getting in the car and driving home (completely sober, mind you) was probably one of the loneliest moments of my life.

Do I not invest enough of myself in these relationships? It could be my fault. Or maybe the group of people I'm choosing to invest in (on whatever level) are simply not the right people. Whichever of those options is the truth (probably a bit of both), it devastates me, as I've always found friendships to be a prominent part of my life.

What I haven't said yet is that I'm a bit of a control freak... I like people to act and behave appropriately (or inappropriately) at all times and in every situation, I expect friends to make the right decision every time and when things don't go my way, I'm intensely thrown off by it. Disheartened, angered, bitter - mostly a combination of all three.

...and I can't let go. I hold onto things and watch them slip between my fingers until my hands are raw from holding on so tightly. Holding onto relationships that aren't and will never be what they once were. How do you let go? Is it one of those zen things where I need to stand naked in a field somewhere with my arms out, then exhale and it will all go away? I'd love to believe that... because if that were the case (for as uncomfortable as I'd be naked), I'm out the door, finding that field.

And I wonder, have I always been this way? A little, I think. I was more open to change at one point in my life and then my dad passed away and I wanted to be 10 again forever. I know that's why I struggle... I just don't really know how to reverse it. My girlfriend tells me to stop putting so much emphasis on "who shows up" and start accepting people for who they are. "You don't like that about them? Well... it's who they are, Chelsea... so if you're going to remain friends with them, it's probably something you're going to have to suck it up and deal with. They aren't just going to magically change into someone else." Thing is... I know that. I really do. I get it... the odds of them changing into reliable, trustworthy, responsible adults are about as great as me turning into a passive nudist. I just keep hoping that at some point, some/one/all of them will grow up. And then I follow it up by telling myself that hope is a good thing, and maybe... just maybe at some point things will go back to the way they used to be.

It's time to give up the dream, I think. Time to start googling how to let go and checking out some self-help books.

What is that expression? Hmmmmm...

"Help me to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Holy shit... perfect.

Oh yeah? Well I'm sick of singing covers...

Call me a blogspot whine-baby but I’m simply struggling with understanding the human brain lately.

Things I have a hard time comprehending (apparently): A) Friendship. B) Respect.

Let’s start with friendship. I’m pretty sure my idea of what this word is/means has been skewed from the start… but from what I’ve seen of it in the last, oh, I don’t know, year and a half (give or take), I’ve made the decision that I don’t really believe in what it stands for. And the sole purpose of its existence as I damn well know it (at this point for me) isn’t panning out to be a positive experience. Therefore… I reject it.

I often see/hear people boast of impeccable friendships touching their lives on a daily basis. Apparently I need these peoples’ digits. Maybe I’m too dependent on these select people for their time/energy/RESPECT. Maybe I’m just too naïve in thinking the heart of a friendship is supposed to be a reliable one. Maybe my expectations are too high? Or maybe… just maybe… I pick the wrong people. Perhaps a combination of all these ideas has lead me to (undoubtedly) a dead end of failure.

I ask myself often why it is that I am constantly disappointed. Answers range variously from, “Because you just can’t accept these people for who they actually are” to “Wow, they really don’t give a shit about me, do they?”. Final answer? Humans are selfish. We want what we want (Me: A handful of decent, reliable, responsible adults who are enjoyable to be around, have an impeccable sense of humour and are fairly low maintenance) and when we don’t get it we either cut corners to get by dealing with the consequences or we estrange ourselves completely from the situation to avoid handling it responsibly. I do it sometimes too. But I’m starting to wonder if the people we make the decision to be “friends” with 5+ years ago are still the same set of people we are meant to be friends with where we stand in our lives now. Maybe so. Maybe some set of friendships don’t change drastically and the paths two people are on head in the same direction. But I’d venture to say that a lot/most don’t. And I think the most common response is to continue relationships with these people because you simply cannot bear the thought of parting ways with them “after all these years”. It hurts. I get it. Me too. But what hurts worse? Distancing yourself from the hurt caused by someone that you ultimately do not mesh with anymore? Or allowing that hurt to continue to staple your life until there ends up being so much bitterness and resentment that you can barely stand to hear this person’s voice on the phone anymore. In my opinion the ladder is simply foolish. Even though I’ve done it/continue to still do it.

::sigh:: It’s backbone time. This friendship thing was meant to be a help, not a hindrance and I, for one am sick of resenting the whole idea. Time to do some weeding.

This other thing… respect. I guess it goes hand in hand with friendship but it applies (as we all know) elsewhere in life too. The thing I’ve learned about respect after being with/hanging around the right set of people is that most are ok with not having it if they never had it to begin with. But once you fucking have it… you will never deal with not having it again. I spent a lot of my earlier years being walked on by plenty of people. Men, women, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, family, etc. I think in my 26 years of age, I may have finally figured out exactly what respect is and what it means to receive it from people and sheeeeiiiiiittt… I ain’t never goin’ back, son.

What I don’t understand is the people that want it… but don’t think they’re expected to give it. There are lots of those people. Everywhere. You better check yoself before you wreck yoself. I had an experience recently that ended up simultaneously being a “straw that broke the camel’s back” AND “clouds parting” situation all rolled into one. The people involved still are pretty unaware of the effect they had on me. Let me put it into perspective for you:

You’re a child. You have two younger siblings. You live at home with mom and dad and every week there’s a chore list to be executed between the 3 of you. This chore list must be completed in a timely fashion before the end of each week or else there’s “big trouble” awaiting you. And every week, without fail, you do your chores diligently while your two siblings sit on the couch and watch tv. Granted, there is the occasional “put your dirty dish in the sink” from both of them… but generally speaking, you’re the one that carries the load. You try talking to them nicely… after all, they are family and you love them. But nice-talk turns eventually turns into irritated-talk which then quickly turns into angry-talk and shortly following, livid-talk. They know that ultimately, because you don’t want the wrath of the parental unit to rain down at the end of each week, you will do the chores because they must be done. Following the livid-talk, gradually resentment and bitterness sets in and one glorious day (this is the “straw breaking camel’s back”/”clouds parting” moment), you decide to throw in the towel. You will not lift another finger on behalf of you or your siblings. You swallow you pride, you accept that there may be deafening consequences to your decision, but that ultimately, you are making it and you are sticking with it and whatever happens, happens. The house might fall apart, you might get in trouble, you might lose respect from your siblings. But wait… you never had it to begin with! So the most damaging side of the consequences has already come into play. And by “quitting”… you free yourself from feeling burdened and angry over “always doing the right thing”… because it’s not your job to be responsible for other people.

It’s your job to be respectful. And when it’s not returned… all bets are off. And that, my “friends”… is how I feel.

Trying this again... and other rants.

This blogging concept is really a tyrant. I've never understood how writers and non-writers alike can sit down to this thing every day (sometimes twice... sometimes thrice) and manage to spew it out all the time without a rush of emotions (or lack there of) interrupting the process completely and carrying you off into the day, ruining the whole thing. And I know that for some, its not an every day thing... but bloggers tend to be consistent, I've found.

Here are a list of thoughts that have interrupted my writing process every time I've tried to collect and electronically publish the things on my mind:

- "This is going to take FOREVER... am I sure I really have time for this right now? Nah."
- "Someone is prooobaaablly going to find this offensive and send me a wordy email confronting my passive-aggressive style of bitching my issues without using names and then not speak to me for months. Not worth it"
- "Who cares? I mean really. I don't even really care that much."
- "I'm bored. This is boring. And having to right click on all the red underlined words so frequently is giving me a rash. Forget it."
- "I'm thirsty."
- "I'm hungry."
- "I'm tired of sitting in this chair."

etc., etc. ...

So seriously. I don't know how people do this shit all the time. I'm currently wondering if I'll even get through this entry today without folding. But then I think back to the days when writing was a life line (as I believe it has been at some point or another for most people) and I actually enjoyed the process of regurgitating my thoughts. It's healthy and all that crap. The question is whether or not I have something to say. I guess we'll see.

And here I am writing a blog entry about writing a freakin' blog entry. Stupid. Moving on...

I've noticed something profound recently that has drastically effected my life. I think I'm realizing this all very late (now that I think about it) but, yanno... better late than never.

So here it is... the big epiphany ..::drum roll::..: people change. That's huge, right? Welcome to earth, Chelsea... glad you could join us. I know it's a duh - but I've just recently been able to wrap my mind around exactly what that entails on a lot of levels. It's a lot like the concept of death, when it's far away from you. An idea, a sad thing that happens... a change that is impossible to fully comprehend unless it is directly under your nose, forcing you to swallow that change and persevere when everything in you questions its will to continue on. It's difficult to really examine these ideas from anywhere but under a magnifying glass.

And I'm not sure it's the change itself that is the hardest part... it's the idea of being ill-prepared for those changes. I mean... how does one go about preparing for change all the time? I guess we might do it subconsciously a little but there's no perfect way to get yourself ready for it. The good changes are obviously way easier to deal with. I won the lottery? Bad ass. I'm quitting my job and moving to Cyprus. It's the change that involves your car breaking down on the side of the expressway and fucking up your whole day's schedule that seems difficult to plan for. Though I'd say I have a pretty good grasp on expecting ridiculous things to happen on a regular basis. Most would say that being prepared for those types of changes would make me what some might call a pessimist. It's not negative, I'd say it is simply an attempt to be ready when shit happens. That way... when good things like winning the lotto happen... or... more realistically, not hitting a single red light on the way to work - I am left shocked and amazed... and ultimately happy. I suppose that leaves for a mighty grim in-between. I've realized that finding the happy medium of not fully expecting your life to suck every day but also knowing that every waking minute won't be full of rainbows and unicorns is REALLY HARD. I think we tend to lean one way or the other (whether or not we are aware of it) and once we're leaning - it becomes the ultimate challenge to shift weight.

People changing is even tougher. Ever been in a room with someone and looked at them the way you always have and realized in that moment that you don't recognize them anymore? I've found that we have deep connections with people outside of our romantic relationships that bind us with those we consider to be friends. There is an initial draw (the connection) and then you build the relationship like you build a house. We make decisions about who we do and do not spend our time with; who is and is not worthy of our care and concern and when it is an appropriate time to trust, if at all. They are not easy decisions to be made, sometimes. Especially as we get older and become more self-aware, understand ourselves better and all that jazz. I've made a lot of mistakes in my choice of company over the years. As to be expected. But it's when you think you know someone, then suddenly realize you don't anymore - because of change and evolution and self-progression that hits the hardest. I blame change for a lot. It is fluid and constant and often ugly. Change produces change and that change creates more change and on and on and on. The only thing consistent about life is the changing of it and it's a harsh reality.

So now it's a matter of cleansing my tainted mind. Trying desperately to find the rainbows and unicorns in what seems to be an everlasting tornado. It's definitely worth working on in an attempt to see the bigger picture. One door closes, another opens. Rainbows because of rain. Patience, love and understanding and "God Bless The Broken Road" on repeat.

Do you hear what I hear? ...that's what I thought.

Disclaimer: Before shit gets lit on fire, I should probably start by saying this entry is a toss into the void. Just something the wheels have been turning about recently and not meant to be pointed in any particular direction. Just.... out there.



The concept of 'listening' gets little attention these days (or... well... ever). It really doesn't matter how loud you're speaking, nor does it concern the importance of what you're saying - some people truly are incapable of going beyond simply hearing enough to process and understand and respond like good listeners do. It seems like an impairment of sorts... wouldn't you agree? A wall, maybe. A wall composed of (what seems like) preoccupation of the mind... tiny little tasks/thoughts that seem far too important (at the time) to ignore so that you can focus on someone/something else. Throughout the course of my studying this issue, I've found the primary source of this problem to be the internet and texting... but really, I think it could be caused by anything.

I'm a big fan of talking and sharing and being open (for the most part). I figure talking and words are the most prominent form of communication we have, so using it frequently seems like the most obvious idea. It can't ever be that simple though... we know that. Here's the broken down version: Girl/Boy finds courage to talk about something important to them. Girl/Boy spends time attempting to find the right recipient for this conversation. Girl/Boy finds who they think is the appropriate recipient and shares their story. Girl/Boy takes a breath upon completion of their story only to realize that not only does the receiving end not give a damn about anything Girl/Boy just said... but they didn't even get as far as to process any of the said valued conversation because they were too busy focusing on themselves.

...a study in which the conclusion is frequently found to be like the one I just gave.

I'm totally guilty of it. We are a selfish people and have certainly all had our moments. It's why I can't much rely on the phone for conversation and talk to even the closest of friends on my cell but maybe once a week. Oh, the glory of making small talk via text. There really isn't a need for calling when we end up just ignoring each other and pretend to listen while simultaneously computing/doing homework/texting/gaming/watching TV/doing anything more self-fulfilling.

I consciously try very hard not to be that person, given that I sort of/really despise that person; but alas, I still fall short. They say that if you spend less time talking, you'll be a better listener. I may give that a go.

And why is it that the people who actually do listen (the majority of the time) are the ones we really don't desire to talk to?

Riddles and more riddles.

Episode 1: So much more than just a Bad Romance...

I've been waiting on a good topic to break the ice with and publish my first blog, but all my ideas have included topics like strange dreams about owls, Cat Deely dropping the F bomb on live TV and personal matters that never really found resolution. These ideas brought me swiftly to the conclusion that no one really cares about all of that... so I wanted to wait around until something truly intriguing popped into my head. Nothing had really tickled my fancy until now. Thank you, America for your God-awful taste in music and thank you American Music Awards for providing me (annually) with the perfect topic.

Hmmm. Where to begin. I missed the first hour, which I can't decide if I'm greatful for or disappointed about. I hope (for your sake) it was full of kick ass performances by Pink and Kelly Clarkson. Just the two of them rotating between all of their number one hits, because I know the reality of it was that the first hour probably sucked just as hard as the last two and a half. So for my own sake, I will continue to just play out the fantasy in my head of how the first hour of the AMA's went down... i.e. with incredible songs by the likes of Brandi Carlile, Joe Purdy, Ray Lamontagne, Missy Higgins and Ingrid Michaelson.... who the AMA's don't even recognize or have a category for, let alone give them a chance to perform on stage and show America what real talent is. Is this not 2009? There isn't even an Indie category. For real?


Let's start on a positive note (because there are only a few, really). I'm glad the MJ fans stepped up for this one. He could have not-so-easily been out-voted by screaming pre-teens from the south for 'Artist Of The Year', but... oh shit... wait... he was out-voted by screaming pre-teens from the south. A 19 year old country singer beat him. Insanity. Still trying to process all of that. Sheesh. Ok... sorry... positive... I'm staying positive. Well, at least he snagged a few; and though Germaine's strange acceptance speeches complete with thank you's to Allah and intro's of random family members (and other random not family members)... I do think that MJ was honored. Not as respectfully as he could have been... but that's America for you. In my mind, the man owns the damn AMA's. I suppose fans did the best we could by trying to support timeless talent... but we can't win 'em all. And that's as positive as I'm going to pretend to be about it.


Good performance by Green Day. Good performance by Rhianna (I like that she head bangs sporadically during every performance). Whitney has clearly still got it. The Alicia Keys and Jay-Z duet was killer (though I always find it disappointing when award winners don't/forget to thank they're significant others... or in this case, Beyonce' for love and support and blah blah blah... for being his wife. She is his wife, right?). Eminem was typical but good. Carrie Underwood was outstanding, per usual. Black Eyed Peas were awkward but tolerable.


Now let's get on to the weird shit...


Does anyone else figure J.Lo to be the Paula Abdul of the 90's? It was like she was trying to make some sort of huge comeback and had an epic fail moment instead. At one point I was squinting and asking myself, "Is she wearing tan tights?" Yes. Yes she was. I had to look up the name of the song she sang, given the confusion with the random boxing ring and hanging microphone and hot sweaty men in gloves. There is no mistaking this one now... the song is called "Louboutins". Yikes, Jen. AND she fell (with a speedy/professional recovery, I might add... but still). AND she was lipsinking. I'll tell you what, people... there is no other kind of entertainment like the AMA's. They always provide more comedy than they expect to. Poor J.Lo. Looks like all of that tromping down the aisles with confidence really didn't overrule your scrurrying away with your tail between your legs after that one.

Round two. Timbaland. Huh? Weird. That's all. I have three questions: A) What was he wearing? Those shiny, almost-skinny jeans with the too tight white shirt hugging in undesirable places and the leather jacked left me wondering when John Travolta and Olivia Newton John were going to make their appearance. B) Was his voice distorted through the mic? Please tell me it was. That voice is enough to give small children nightmares for a lifetime. C) Is his intro ALWAYS going to include "...produced music for JT and Nelly Furtado"? We get it, man. You tell us with every performance. It's like the redundant "Randy Jackson Presents: America's Best Dance Crew" even though Randy Jackson is never around. No one cares. We know you're buddies with some cool peeps. I feel like at this point, it's just not enough to keep his name afloat. And the MJ - Thriller stint at the end? I think I know what the idea was supposed to be... but it ended up just being (again)... weird.

Sidenote: What is UP with men wearing shades in a dim-lit room? It's so obnoxious.


Moving on...


Lady Gaga. I've said it all before but I still feel like people only drool over her excessively and have this crazy/religious love for her because she's wacko. Christ... she gets weirder every day. And for whatever reason, I find that silly. I feel like (musically), Pink is very comparable to Gaga... even has a better voice; but people don't shit over her or start cults in her name because she isn't as crazy. Hmph. I love her voice, appreciate her talent, and I'll buy her music... but I don't buy into the rest of it. I recently saw a video of her without that awful white wig on, in a smaller bar playing with a band in normal clothes. I was in heaven. It was great. She was stripped down to the bare bones of who Lady Gaga (a.k.a. Stefani Germanotta really is). Anyway... Gaga's performance at the AMA's was what I expected. those weird tan strips of whatever covering her noo-noo were making me a little uncomfortable in how much they were moving around. I definitely had my hands over my eyes at one point. But yep... typical. She's great. Her voice is great. But I think even weird gets boring sometimes. We'll see.

Was Kanye there? I hope not. And if he was, I'm glad I missed it. That boy needed a big shove back after "the incident". Didn't your mother ever tell you that it's not nice to interrupt and trash talk little girls on live TV, Kanye? Shame shame. I hope Chris Brown has been sucked into a deep, dark hole too... or at least people are smart enough to not support his music. I mean... John Mayer is a dick but at least he doesn't beat the shit out of his girlfriend.

Now... I've always despised Adam Lambert. I full-on gave up on American Idol last season when people became religious about voting for him. But watching him last night just made me giggle. Can anyone really watch a play-back of that performance (JUST the singing for now... let's not even get into the making out with the keys player and blowjob gesture with one of the male dancers) and say, "Wow... what an incredible artist". I gave one to J.Lo and now I'm giving one to you, Lambert. Yikes. Your screeching makes my ears bleed... and this time the screeching wasn't even on key. Three words (or two with a hyphenate, rather)... in-ear monitors. I bet the producers of the AMA's were really happy they made you the last performance of the evening. I saw it as some desperate attempt to establish his sexuality... which seemed pretty prominent (to me) from the get-go. Yuck. But I'm sure gay teenage boys across the country ate that shit up. You'll have them to thank for keeping you in business.



Last and most importantly... Taylor Swift ruined my life in a small way last night. I never thought she was especially talented. She's a sweet, naive young girl who, by chance (and with some luck) established a career. I feel strongly that she's a dime a dozen and must have the most kick ass managers/promotions team in the world to have launched her into such popularity. The songs are catchy and relatable to teenagers... but the singing? Not so much. Last night she nabbed an award from Carrie (Underwood... we're on a first-name basis) and she nabbed an award from Gaga (we're on a last name (?) basis) AND she nabbed an award from the Jesus of music, himself. We are talking about Michael Jackson, friends. We are also talking about three STELLAR artists (just based on their gift of singing alone). She beat Michael Jackson! Michael. Freaking. Jackson. Taylor Swift! What?! I know she didn't perform this year, which is probably a good idea, given her introverted, shakey, terrible, couch-sitting performance last year, but I'm still at a total loss (and very much ashamed) that she pulled in more votes than the king of pop


Ultimately, the AMA's is always wildly entertaining and a total let down. I feel that it exposes some of these class A celebs and knocks them down a couple notches on a yearly basis... which, in the world that we live in... is probably the best thing for all of us.